Monday, March 30, 2015

Stunningly Awful Demo Phrases

Here are a handful of phrases that we often hear from software vendors in demo meetings, followed by what the customer thinks in response…

Vendor Says:  “Let me tell you a bit about our company…”
Customer Thinks:  Nope, no need to – we wouldn’t have agreed to invest our time in a demo if we didn’t already know about you…

Vendor Says:  “Let me give you a product overview…”
Customer Thinks:  Is this for our sake or yours?  Which of these products are relevant to us and our specific situation?

Vendor Says:  “And we’ve just re-named our products, as follows…”
Customer Thinks:  Oh joy, more useless things to remember…

Vendor Says:  “And we’ve created some product bundles as well – let me share these with you…”
Customer Thinks:  Why?  Am I doing proof-reading for your marketing department?

Vendor Says:  “Let’s go through a day-in-the-life…”
Customer Thinks:  Oh god, no.  My day is painful enough already, why would you want to walk me through it again?

Vendor Says:  “So we’ve created 7 fictional characters:  Mark the manager, Angie in accounting, Isaac in IT, Candace the CFO, Oscar in operations, Eustace the end-user…”
Customer Thinks:  Wait – you want me to remember each of these names?  I don’t even know all of the folks in my department…!

Vendor Says:  “One of the questions I get a lot is…”
Customer Thinks:  Sure, but did WE ask it?

Vendor Says:  “The other question is…”
Customer Thinks:  Ditto..

Vendor Says:  “And this is really important…”
Customer Thinks:  Thanks – good to know what YOU think is important, as opposed to us…

Vendor Says:  “Another really important thing is…”
Customer Thinks:  Sounds like everything in your software is important – which means that none of it is…

Vendor Says:  “The other nice thing…”
Customer Thinks:  How many nice things are there?

Vendor Says:  “Oh, and this is really cool…”
Customer Thinks:  In whose opinion?

Vendor Says:  “Now, if you want to…”
Customer Thinks:  But what if I don’t?

Vendor Says:  “Or, you can also do this by…”
Customer Thinks:  Please just show me the fastest way to get it done…

Vendor Says:  “There are three ways you can do this – let me show you…”
Customer Thinks:  Will these be on the test?  Please just show me the one fastest way that I’d use in my day-to-day work.

Vendor Says:  “Let me show you how to…”
Customer Thinks:  Did I ask?  Do I care?  Am I interested?

 Vendor Says:  “What we call…”
Customer Thinks:  Who cares what YOU call it…  I’ll never remember those terms anyway.

Vendor Says:  “We have the concept of…”-
Customer Thinks:  Great – and how is this important for us?

Vendor Says:  “Gee, I’ve never seen that happen before…”
Customer Thinks:  We have…  All the time!

Vendor Says:  “Let me try that again…”
Customer Thinks:  To prove that it REALLY doesn’t work you, the technical expert, don’t know it?

Vendor Says:  “Remember when I said….”
Customer Thinks:  Nope.

Vendor Says:  “Let me show you what happens behind the scenes…”
Customer Thinks:  Did I ask?  Do I care?  Am I interested?  I like sausage, but I’m not really interested in seeing how it was made…!

Vendor Says:  “Let me explain how this works…”
Customer Thinks:  Did I ask?  Do I care?  Am I interested?

Vendor Says:  “We’re running short on time, so I’ll have to go really fast, but I want this to be interactive, so stop me if you have any questions…”
Customer Thinks:  Oh god no – the run-on demo…!

Vendor Says:  “Oops – looks like we ran out of time before we got to the best stuff…”
Customer Thinks:  Too bad – looks like we won’t ever see your best stuff…

Vendor Says:  “I’ve saved the best for last…”
Customer Thinks:  When our management team is gone and the rest of our brains are mush…  Why didn’t you do the Last Thing First?

Any additional to add?

No comments: