Friday, December 29, 2017

Friday Fun Double - Obscure Engineering Conversion Factors and Mixed Metaphor Month

Obscure Engineering Conversion Factors
[Warning – some possibility of political incorrectness]

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
1000 ccs of wet socks = 1 literhosen
8 nickels = 2 paradigms

And my favorite arcane unit of measure:  Furlongs per Fortnight.

Mixed Metaphor Month

Vote for the worst (or best, depending on how you view this…!) mixed metaphor (all real, captured from various blogs and articles):

  1. “While it may seem like good sense to cover all your bases, throwing too much at your prospect actually weakens your message. Even a short diversion from focus can confuse the issue and cause your prospect to tune out during an otherwise stellar case. You make your prospect do all the work of picking out and remembering the most relevant pieces.”

Love it:  “Cover bases, throw too much, tune out, stellar case, picking out pieces.”

  1. “If you have a presentation that runs two to three hours or more, you’re starting to cover a lot of ground. A theme is helpful in tying ideas together and making it easier for your prospect to see the relationship between different sections by providing a common thread.”

And:  “Cover ground, tying together, see relationship, common thread.”

  1. “With these ideas in your back pocket, you can break through to the toughest of clients and keep your organization firing on all cylinders no matter how much of a time crunch you are in.”

Short but packed!  “Back pocket, break through, fire on all cylinders, time crunch.”  I think this is the winner…!

  1. "And like the U.N. Security Council Members, it only takes one veto to kill an entire deal. Because of the proliferation of stakeholders needed to approve a deal to get it off the ground, a sure thing can become dead in the water long after the sales cycle seems over."

Better have the Security Council equipped with both wings and fins…

  1. "Our reps use our … platform which provides the toolset they need to spread your compelling sales message and get those who buy in the wiggle room they need for others to sign off on their decision."

This one mixes a bad case of rampaging pronouns with toolsets and wiggle rooms!

  1. "Modern decision-makers have a million things to take care of, so even a small objection or a momentary scheduling snag can threaten to eject them out of your funnel as their plate fills up with other priorities."

Wow…  Don’t people ever proof their posts?

Others (conversion factors/units or mixed metaphors) to add?  Have a Happy (Calendar) New Year in any case!

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